Sixth Man Set to Wed Third Sister

On Sunday, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian will marry. Kobe Bryant mistrusts his teammate’s impending nuptials, as evidenced by this partial transcript (which we obtained from someone who took Miami)…
Kobe Bryant: Congratulations man.
Lamar Odom: What you mean?
Kobe Bryant: You’re engagement.
Lamar Odom: You heard? We haven’t even called E about a reality show.
Kobe Bryant: TMZ.
Lamar Odom: Kobe Bryant reads TMZ?
Kobe Bryant: My wife reads TMZ.
Lamar Odom: What you read? ESPN?
Kobe Bryant: And everywhere else I own the headlines. When’s the wedding?
Lamar Odom: Sunday. I’m doin this quick.
Kobe Bryant: Why? Is Khloe expecting a little sixth man?
Lamar Odom: It’s not like that. I just want this over.
Kobe Bryant: How can your marriage occur quicker than your contract signing?
Lamar Odom: Kobe, you don’t know... You got the wife, the two kids, the four titles… You MVP… Eleven time all-star…
Kobe Bryant: And two time scoring champ.
Lamar Odom: Right. I’m the sixth man. I’m a no time all-star. Khloe knows who she’s with and it’s over.
Kobe Bryant: You’re afraid she’ll leave you?
Lamar Odom: Before Hank Baskett married Kendra, he was a sixth string wide receiver.
Kobe Bryant: He still is. You should chill.
Lamar Odom: Maybe you right, but what would I do without Khloe?
Kobe Bryant: I read Tila Tequila’s single.
Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Barker, Baskett, & Twitter: Elton John Couldn’t Write This

As Bob Barker hosted Monday Night Raw, speculation sizzled he had passed away. While this rumor was ridiculous, the obvious was again apparent. Tweeters are unfamiliar with restraint or verification.

I’ll bet this rumor resurfaces around Christmas Day, as Hank and Kendra Baskett welcome their initial child.

Hank wears his jersey like a crown,
He calls his fetus Hank,
‘Cause he likes the name,
And he’ll send him to any school he can afford.

Hank, Hank likes his wife’s money,
Kendra makes a lot they say,
Hank himself is penniless,
Philadelphia released him today.
He’ll be born to a bunny and scrub on a Christmas Day,
When twitter will say Barker’s dead again,
And the Cavs have won,
Hank Baskett has a son today.

And he shall be Baskett,
He’ll think L.T.’s the man,
And he shall be Baskett,
Like his mama the Chargers fan,
And he shall be Baskett,
He’ll think L.T.’s the man,
He shall be Baskett.
Kendra sells old Playboy mags in town,
Her solo business thrives,
Hank sells autographs on the net,
And watches as no one will buy.

And Kendra, she wants to go to Hefner
And leave Hank far behind,
Take her son and shoot a new cover
While Hank, Hank slowly dies.
He’ll be born to a bunny and scrub on a Christmas Day,
When twitter will say Barker’s dead again,
And the Cavs have won,
Hank Baskett has a son today.

And he shall be Baskett,
He’ll think L.T.’s the man,
And he shall be Baskett,
Like his mama the Chargers fan,
And he shall be Baskett,
He’ll think L.T.’s the man,
He shall be Baskett.

Contributors: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge

And I’m Googling

Hank Baskett
The Vikings may have traded him to Philadelphia for three cheesesteaks and the keys to Rick Santorum’s house, but anyone, anywhere comprehends why this third string wide receiver merits even thirty seconds of attention… Go Kendra… Go Kendra… Go Kendra… Go Kendra…

Contributor: Platinum Smalls