The Two Brets

Brett Favre is an egotistical, self-important overvalued former cornerstone. Bret Hart is an egotistical, self-important overvalued former cornerstone. Two smugger athletes are non-existent, as evidenced by the pair’s recent conversation…
Brett Favre: I will defeat my former team tonight.
Bret Hart: I defeated my former tag team partner on November 7, 1994.
Brett Favre: I threw a touchdown when my former defeated my current team in 1994.
Bret Hart: I wrestled my brother in five matches in 1994.
Brett Favre: I threw five touchdowns against the Vikings in 1992.
Bret Hart: I was a five time International Tag Team Champion.
Brett Favre: My first five touchdown game was against the Bears.
Bret Hart: Jim Neidhart and I defeated Rhythm and Blues at Wrestlemania V.
Brett Favre: I threw five touchdowns when the Packers defeated the Panthers.
Bret Hart: I’ve wrestled the Undertaker in five matches and won four.

Brett Favre: My Packers had two four game winning streaks against the Vikings.
Bret Hart: My four brothers and I beat Shawn Michaels and his Knights at Survivor Series in Boston.
Brett Favre: My Packers beat the Patriots twice in Boston.
Bret Hart: I beat Diamond Dallas Page twice.
Brett Favre: I had consecutive two touchdown games twice in 2002.
Bret Hart: I had consecutive singles and tag team victories against Owen Hart.
Brett Favre: I had consecutive wins against the Vikings in my final season with the Packers.
Bret Hart: I had consecutive wins against Chris Benoit in my final season with WCW.
Brett Favre: WCW Headquarters was in Atlanta, who I’ve beaten twice with two touchdown performances.
Bret Hart: I won my first WWF title in Saskatoon, which is 3,381 miles from Atlanta.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge

Mr. McMahon, CIA Clash Over Tactics

Vince McMahon’s punishment philosophy is perverse. When significant crises occur, negligible sanctions are imposed. Blatant insubordination merits marginal penance… A substance abuse epidemic merits a convenient suspension…

McMahon’s compassionate consequences have complicated his new appointment… Director of the CIA… [CIA Headquarters: Langley, Virginia]

[CIA Director Vince McMahon, Deputy Director Stephen Kappes, and Associate Deputy Director Scott White are seated inside McMahon’s office, each holding copies of a recent negative report]

Vince McMahon: This Inspector General’s report is unbelievable.

Scott White: And none of it’s kayfabe…

Vince McMahon: Would you be serious? Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was water boarded beyond what was recommended.

Scott White: Yes sir.

Vince McMahon: Who knew about this?

Stephen Kappes: The President, the Vice President, the Attorney General, our former director…

Vince McMahon: Did any of them even consider talking to him?

Scott White: Simple interrogation?

Vince McMahon: No, just talking. Ask him what he knows; offer him some extra privileges if he talks…
[Kappes and White stare at each other]

Vince McMahon: We threatened to kill his children?

Stephen Kappes: Those were our instructions.

Vince McMahon: Why we didn’t we offer him a visit with his children?

Scott White: Because Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero wont stop taking drugs if you ask them.

Vince McMahon: I resent that! Both of them had suffered years of abuse in another company. I was not responsible.

Stephen Kappes: What was responsible for Test’s overdose? Your daughter inflicting the abuse?

Vince McMahon: I had several conversations with Test, he swore he wasn’t using.

Scott White: I’m shocked.

Vince McMahon: What should I have done? A mock execution? Threatened them with a drill?

Stephen Kappes: Isn’t a drill how you got Owen Hart to scale those rafters?
Vince McMahon: No, he was presented with several options and he chose that one and that could be an effective strategy for what we’re dealing with.

Scott White: Americans don’t want prisoners in their max facilities, Vince. I doubt they’ll volunteer their sports arenas, so we can throw them off the rafters…

Vince McMahon: Who mentioned transport? We present Mohammed or one of them options; I’m sure we’ll get some information.

Stephen Kappes: And if not, two of the good guys and two of the bad guys can hug in the exercise yard.

Vince McMahon: Alright, one more thing… What’s this passage about threatening a prisoner’s family with sexual abuse?

Scott White: That fell under enhanced interrogation.

Vince McMahon: It was authorized?

Stephen Kappes: Correct.

Vince McMahon: Who thought it would work?

Scott White: We all did. Wasn’t threatening sex abuse how you talked Triple H into marrying your daughter?

Contributor: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge