Pete Carroll’s Honesty Camp

Pete Carroll’s communication is candid, sincere, and unvarnished. Recently, Carroll hosted a professional seminar entitled “Embrace Reality Whether Honesty Improves or Impairs.” [Sheraton Downtown: Los Angeles, California]

[Pete Carroll, Jeff Fisher, Eric Mangini, and Raheem Morris are seated inside a conference room]

Pete Carroll: I hope you understand why I requested all of you.

Eric Mangini: I don’t. Can you explain why we should listen to a former professional with a mediocre record?

Pete Carroll: Well, my record was a winning record, but I requested you because each of you can’t tell the truth about your team.

Jeff Fisher: What do you mean the truth about our team?

Pete Carroll: Jeff, you’re a prime example. You’ve said you’re off to a bad start and it’s unacceptable.
Jeff Fisher: One, we are off to a bad start. Two, I expect more. Three, our organization, our owner, our fans and players expect more. In everyone’s mind, this is unacceptable.

Pete Carroll: Tell your organization, your owner, your players, your fans, and yourself the truth. Last year was a complete surprise and you can’t repeat it.

Raheem Morris: Why would he say that and since I asked what should I say?

Pete Carroll: Say you’re completely unqualified, you shouldn’t have been hired, your management was stupid, and this start was predictable.

Raheem Morris: Is that it?

Pete Carroll: Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, Joey Galloway, and Ike Hilliard should still be Buccaneers.
Jeff Fisher: Pete, I understand you’re a college coach and when you lose one game, even if the team that beats you is an inferior conference opponent, you can afford an undiplomatic assessment. We are professionals. We have to manage expectations.

Pete Carroll: Expectations are either realistic or unrealistic.

Jeff Fisher: There’s a saying, if it was easy, anyone could do it. You were a professional. You couldn’t do it. We should determine our expectations.

Pete Carroll: You determined your expectations and you’re all winless.

Eric Mangini: Pete, we can’t arrange our expectations through illegal recruiting. My roster was talentless when I arrived.
Pete Carroll: Eric, you have the draft, trades, free agency. You can arrange expectations. You’re sock puppet general manager is completely ineffective.

Eric Mangini: George Kokinis is a capable and intelligent professional.

Pete Carroll: Eric, you don’t even believe that.

Jeff Fisher: This has been a fascinating discussion and you’re a great college coach, but you said Mark Sanchez wouldn’t succeed and he’s undefeated.

Pete Carroll: Well, thank you all for coming. If you’ll excuse me, I have another press conference. I have to rationalize our poor performance against Washington.
Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Googling Atlee Hammaker Presents Colts vs. Cardinals

Today’s Entrance Music

Enter Sandman

Inspired via a guitar rift, the first metal lullaby was scorned as “catchy and kind of commercial.” Mariano Rivera, the Los Angeles Angels, the Iowa Hawkeyes, the Rutgers Scarlett Knights, the Virginia Tech Hokies have utilized the selection as entrance music.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Chad Ocho Cinco’s Child Please Commentaries

Chad Johnson: Ocho Cinco fixed and planted the Lambeau Leap? Why my haters not respect creativity? Why they call me a fraud? I said I would leap and I leaped. I didn’t say w here I would leap. I didn’t say how I would leap. I didn’t say into who I would leap. I said I would leap and I was more than the voice of authority, the voice of reason, I am the platinum playmaker turned platinum celebrator and this is a victorious Child Please commentaries…
CP Commentary One: Milton Bradley accepted his suspension. Accepted his suspension? CHILD PLEASE. You think Chris Henry said Commissioner Goodell, eight games is excessive, I only want four. You think Ocho Cinco name his fines? Not fifteen thousand, ten thousand. I danced that’s only worth five thousand. Milton Bradley hit less home runs than Ramon Hernandez and played on more teams than Tank Johnson. He should volunteer for that suspension.
CP Commentary Two: According to Michael Ventre, Jet fan has been wearing the same twelve jersey since the sixth grade. Before Jet fan say anything and you know they still screamin four letters that ain’t the team name, they should admit that they not the king of no hill, they not the top of no help, they and their city should just stay asleep. Jet fan get a big CHILD PLEASE.
CP Commentary Three: President Obama plans another cash program. People can swap they old appliances like they cars. CHILD PLEASE. America need a Cash for Chad program. Trade Chad Johnson jerseys for cash and buy a brand new Ocho Cinco jersey. Stores sell more jerseys, they hire more people, people have more money, and they spend that money to watch Ocho Cinco play.
CP Commentary Four: Lloyd’s of London made Mark McGwire take andro. Who Lloyd’s of London? Did Jim Carrey remake that movie? Did Ari’s assistant relocate? And how they tell an athlete take drugs? McGwire couldn’t say no? He couldn’t scream this will ruin my career? CHILD PLEASE. What next? Barry Bonds say he had to take steroids?
Chad Johnson: Until next time, this is Eighty-five, aka Ocho Cinco, aka the Black Mexican saying in Chad You Must Trust… I pay my fines and I don’t use no juice!

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

And I’m Googling

Bells Are Ringing
The Freed Unit’s final film incorporated an actor, bookmaker, musical dentist, struggling playwright, and whimsical receptionist. Fred Clark, Eddie Foy Jr., Frank Gorshin, Judy Holliday, Hal Linden, Dean Martin, Gerry Mulligan, Jean Stapleton, and Bernard West headlined the cast.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Today’s Entrance Music

Creeque Alley

Following Mackenzie Phillips’ scandalous revelations, this selection was inevitable. The Mamas and Papas autobiographical anthem mentions their creation, existence, and rival acts. Their assimilation activities remain inside another memoir.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Grey’s Anatomy Live Blog