Today’s Entrance Music

Do Somethin

In three imperative contests, each combatant possesses a superstar. Florida has Tim Tebow and LSU has Charles Scott. Alabama has Greg McElroy and Mississippi has Jevan Snead. Ohio State has Terrelle Pryor and Wisconsin has John Clay… Which players will have premiere performances? Which players will do somethin?

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Pryor, Vick Share Black Eye Interest

On Saturday, Terrelle Pryor’s eye black was inscribed “Vick.” While the quarterbacks are similar, Pryor’s adoration is non-athletic, as evidenced by this partial transcript (which someone e-mailed us after walking their dog)…
Terrelle Pryor: Thanks for texting me.
Michael Vick: Thanks for the support.
Terrelle Pryor: You saw the eye black message?
Michael Vick: Heard people loved it as much as Philadelphia loves me.
Terrelle Pryor: Did you watch the game?
Michael Vick: No, we had practice. Snatching Donovan’s spot is tough.
Terrelle Pryor: You’ll snatch it. I’ve watched you since I was ten.
Michael Vick: With the Falcons or Virginia Tech?
Terelle Pryor: I’ve watched your dogs.
Michael Vick: You knew Bad Newz?
Terrelle Pryor: My boys and I, we bet on the fights.
Michael Vick: What was your favorite?
Terrelle Pryor: Hokie and Hurricane at Canine of the Ring. Hurricane’s leg was so bloody, I thought they’d chop it off.
Michael Vick: Who was your favorite dog?
Terrelle Pryor: Seminole. The way he dodged…Reminded me of you in that Vikings game.
Michael Vick: Seminole was sweet.
Terrelle Pryor: Was he the best?
Michael Vick: Him or Terrapin. She could fight for a bitch. She’d sucker the other dog. She was a con artist.
Terrelle Pryor: Like you with Commissioner Goodell?
Michael Vick: Sometimes you gotta dance for those judging white suits.
Terrelle Pryor: I know that.
Michael Vick: I know you do. Say hello to Coach Tressel for me.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Speed Demons: Pryor’s Forty Could Be Fatal Flaw

According to Yahoo Sports (the worldwide leader in swill), Terrelle Pryor strides forty yards in 4.33 seconds. While this shorts and t-shirt scare tactic is impressive, Ohio State and Pryor should view speed as a scourge.

Consider these four former Buckeyes, whose speed and success ran conversely…

David Boston: As Charles Woodson and he played slap and trash talk, Boston’s speed was nonexistent. Ohio State supporters may remember his taunting touchdown…. However, Woodson’s wrestling victory is the perpetual highlight.

Joey Galloway: His receptions, yards, and touchdowns were top five statistics. Unfortunately, John Cooper was his coach. Speed cannot surmount ineptitude.

Ted Ginn: When one’s ankle is sprained, speed is irrelevant. Despite receiving, return, and rushing touchdowns, Ginn on crutches is most memorable moment.

Terry Glenn: From non-recruit to national superstar, Glenn’s career epitomized work ethic. If only he could have slowed down. “Michigan's nothing” still haunts Ohio State.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls