Gaga Should Wait Til Next Year

In 2010, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera sequel will premiere. Love Never Dies’ Brooklyn setting enticed an unanticipated audition.
Andrew Lloyd Webber: When you called, I was surprised. You’re an exceptional talent, but Nicole Scherzinger is involved with our music.

Lady Gaga: She’s super great, but we want this project. The House and I love baseball.

[Webber reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: That’s an extraordinary dress you’re wearing.

Lady Gaga: Thank you so much. You never know what the visual is going to be that speaks to people and the House and I wanted fashion that would symbolize your vision. My mask is made from hats Gil Hodges and Duke Snyder wore. My top is a split replica, made from Jackie Robinson’s home and road rookie jerseys. My skirt is a replica of Roy Campanella’s glove that he used to catch Johnny Podres, when the Dodgers won the World Series and my heals are made from Branch Rickey’s desk.

[Webber reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: I understand you wrote your own music?

Lady Gaga: Yes. You’re genius and vision really inspired me.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Please proceed.

[Paparazzi music commences]

Lady Gaga: Ebbets is gone. All the fans have moved on. The Yankees are neat, but with the Sym-phony Band I felt complete. Loving them was Pee Wee Reese. Cause you know that baby I, I was their biggest fan. I followed them until they left me. Brook-lyn. Brooklyn Dodgers. Baby there’s no other franchise, you know that I could love. Brook-lyn. Brooklyn Dodgers.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Cut, cut , cut.

[Paparazzi music ceases]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Our story is set in Brooklyn, but the narrative and the premise is not baseball. What else can you tell me about Brooklyn?

[Lady Gaga reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Can you tell me about Coney Island?

Lady Gaga: Phoney Island? Does Alex Rodriguez live there?

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Chad Ocho Cinco’s Child Please Commentaries

Chad Johnson: Twenty-eight seconds? Ocho Cinco can’t execute a celebration in twenty-eight seconds. Ocho Cinco can’t promote my you stream show in twenty-eight seconds. But, we can give away a win n twenty-eight seconds. Why wasn’t I at defensive back? I would have intercepted the ball. I would have squelched, yeah I said that word, squelched Brandon Slower than me, aka Louisiana Whitening… I told Coach Coyle, I am more than the voice of authority, the voice of reason, I am the platinum playmaker and if I would have been permitted to make a play, this would be a victorious Child Please commentaries...
CP Commentary One: Someone as unaware as Coach Coyle was Kanye West, who snatched the VMA stage Sunday and told Taylor Swift Single Ladies should have won. Single Ladies? CHILD PLEASE. Carson Palmer listen to You Belong With Me and Love Story before every practice. Kanye snatched the stage not to make a point, not to right a wrong, because Kanye must always have the spotlight on Kanye… Ocho Cinco hates those that all about themselves.
CP Commentary Two: Speaking of the Video Music Awards, my man Platinum Smalls said Lady Gaga performed live from the Phantom of the Opera House of Crack. CHILD PLEASE. Chris Henry lived at the Phantom of the Opera House of Crack and there weren’t candles and dancers and white pianos and women hanging from the ceiling… Michael Irvin, Marshawn Lynch, and Amy Winehouse were always around…
CP Commentary Three: Saturday night, Floyd Money Mayweather returns to the ring. Now, Ocho Cinco know that Juan Manuel Marquez is a fellow Mexican and undefeated, but CHILD PLEASE, the man drink his own pee. Money is humble, just like the platinum playmaker and I would say he would win. But, he need to win and embarrass Juan, before urine be swallowed, not tested.
Chad Johnson: Until next time, this is Eighty-five, aka Ocho Cinco, aka the Black Mexican saying in Chad You Must Trust… Don’t drink your pee!

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Baby Mama, Lady Gaga Talk Politics, Performances

On the MTV Video Music Awards, Lady Gaga acknowledged lifestyle and religion. On Parks and Recreation, Amy Poehler married two male penguins. The intentional and unintentional social statements were obvious subjects when the actress and activist met recently.
[Starbucks: Hollywood Boulevard]

[Amy Poehler is seated, reading and singing softly]

Amy Poehler: Can’t read my, can’t read my… No he can’t read my poker face…

[Lady Gaga enters. As she awaits service, she observes the actress]

Lady Gaga: Leslie Knope
[Poehler ceases reading and observes the singer]

Amy Poehler: Gaga. Are you here for a concert?

Lady Gaga: No. I’m going to the Raiders game.

Amy Poehler: Are you dating one of the players?

Lady Gaga: No. The house wanted a night off and with their fans, I can blend in.
[Poehler reacts with awkward silence]

Lady Gaga: So, I loved your show.

Amy Poehler: Thank you very much.

Lady Gaga: When you married those male penguins, it was a real statement for equal rights.

Amy Poehler: We were just trying to be cute.
Lady Gaga: Everyone was chanting your name. You were the queen.

Amy Poehler: Well, your acceptance speech really inspired me.

Lady Gaga: For God and the gays, baby.

Amy Poehler: Your politics and fashion are a perfect match.

Lady Gaga: Thanks. Did you see my performance?

Amy Poehler: It was very unique.
Lady Gaga: Thanks. Platinum Smalls hated it.

Amy Poehler: Is that your drummer you slept with?

Lady Gaga: No. He said we were live from the Phantom of the Opera House of Crack.

Amy Poehler: I know that place. Tina and I did two shows there.

[Lady Gaga reacts with awkward silence]

Lady Gaga: Well, I should go, but this was great. You should stop by the House.

Amy Poehler: The House of Gaga?

Lady Gaga: Yeah. We actually have a penguin print origami dress you could wear.
Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Today’s Entrance Music

Paparazzi

Lady Gaga’s adoration and stalker ode has been perfectly portrayed as a selection which “takes up residence in your brain and refuses to budge.” Her Video Music Awards performance, Live from the Phantom of the Opera House of Crack, could encompass several conversations. Her cinematic video, which includes domestic violence and revenge murder, could rouse a generation of artists.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Today’s Entrance Music

I Poke Her Face

Those of you that have been following the entrance music posts on GAH may have noticed that it is somewhat liberal with the inclusion of Lady Gaga. This is due in large part to our primary bloggist extraordinaire, Platinum Smalls. While we are not sure what the cause of this somewhat disturbing predisposition is, the other GAH contributors and I have come up with a few theories:

Platinum Smalls is completely tone deaf and has no idea that what he is listening to is awful

Lady Gaga herself has threatened him with a beat down from her Gaga Goons

Smalls likes to dress up like the pop singer on the weekends to make the other drag queens jealous

Gaga is actually one of Platinum Smalls' jilted ex-lovers. Her real name is Jenny Soukawlski and she is originally from a small cow town in Ohio called Columbus

This is my way of honoring my friend Platinum Smalls by posting what seems to be his favorite new "artist". Consequently, this is the only dosage in which I can stand the auditory tripe she spews, so I hope you enjoy.

Contributor: The Dentist

Today’s Entrance Music

Love Game

Obviously, Lady Gaga is colorful, eccentric, peculiar, quirky, and unusual… She is also scrumptiously honest, as evidenced by this recent quote... “I just sleep with the guys in the band all the time because it’s easier.”

Sounds as if Gaga has had lots of fun while riding several disco sticks…

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Today’s Entrance Music

Lady Gaga Takes A Journey

This may seem the most random pairing ever… Actually, this selection epitomizes our attitude and objective. It’s amusing and entertaining. It’s creative and mindless. It’s new and old. DJ Jimmy Stewart’s (who?) creation is our perfect first pitch.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls