Gaga Should Wait Til Next Year

In 2010, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera sequel will premiere. Love Never Dies’ Brooklyn setting enticed an unanticipated audition.
Andrew Lloyd Webber: When you called, I was surprised. You’re an exceptional talent, but Nicole Scherzinger is involved with our music.

Lady Gaga: She’s super great, but we want this project. The House and I love baseball.

[Webber reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: That’s an extraordinary dress you’re wearing.

Lady Gaga: Thank you so much. You never know what the visual is going to be that speaks to people and the House and I wanted fashion that would symbolize your vision. My mask is made from hats Gil Hodges and Duke Snyder wore. My top is a split replica, made from Jackie Robinson’s home and road rookie jerseys. My skirt is a replica of Roy Campanella’s glove that he used to catch Johnny Podres, when the Dodgers won the World Series and my heals are made from Branch Rickey’s desk.

[Webber reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: I understand you wrote your own music?

Lady Gaga: Yes. You’re genius and vision really inspired me.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Please proceed.

[Paparazzi music commences]

Lady Gaga: Ebbets is gone. All the fans have moved on. The Yankees are neat, but with the Sym-phony Band I felt complete. Loving them was Pee Wee Reese. Cause you know that baby I, I was their biggest fan. I followed them until they left me. Brook-lyn. Brooklyn Dodgers. Baby there’s no other franchise, you know that I could love. Brook-lyn. Brooklyn Dodgers.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Cut, cut , cut.

[Paparazzi music ceases]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Our story is set in Brooklyn, but the narrative and the premise is not baseball. What else can you tell me about Brooklyn?

[Lady Gaga reacts with awkward silence]

Andrew Lloyd Webber: Can you tell me about Coney Island?

Lady Gaga: Phoney Island? Does Alex Rodriguez live there?

Contributor: Platinum Smalls