My New Kentucky Home

Roger Sterling’s black faced rendition of My Old Kentucky Home was amusing. More amusing, his updated version, which the Kentucky Director of Tourism rejected…

The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer, the Cardinals are gay,
Rick Pitino’s drunk and the restaurant is closed,
Where should his slutty mistress lay.

They use a table, the bar, and Porcini’s floor,
No condoms, no condoms, in sight,
Five months later, Karen Sypher knocks at the door,
Abortion or extortion she might.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé, who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.
They hunt no more for the basketball savior,
John Calipari arrived today,
With his Italian charm and stifling pressure D,
He’ll Mirror Pitino back in the day.

Billy Gillispie was a shadow o’er the heart,
Drunken, he was a delight,
His contract never signed, thus he had to part,
As his jail cell slams, we say goodnight.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé, who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.
Judge Katie’s head must bow and Karen’s truth must bend,
Wherever their cases may go,
A few more days and Pitino’s trouble ends,
But Jeff Stoval still on loser’s row.

A few more days for the Cats and Cardinals,
For football, ‘twill never be light,
With basketball season still two months away,
I say my Old Kentucky home, goodnight.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Franchise Fiction & The Truth

Recently, Rick Pitino has endured cynicism and slander. While his actions invited this, Pitino excoriated reporters and requested a response opportunity. Pitino will declare his indignation and I’ll respond.
Rick Pitino: What I don't understand is why you keep fostering this behavior. On a day where Ted Kennedy died, we broke into the news here in Louisville with Karen Sypher audio tapes with a detective, which had already been put out. That's a sad commentary on us… Enough is enough and everybody is tired of it. We need to get on with the important things in life like the economy and really crucial things in life like basketball. I'm asking all fans that if this is on the news anymore, and you're a fan of anything we've accomplished, to just change the channel. And if the newspapers want to write about it, then just read something else, wait for the trial and the truth will come out. This is blackmail. I was told seven months ago that if I fought it, my life would be pure hell. I went home to comfort my wife because it has been pure hell for her and my family.

Platinum Smalls: Rick, you imposter slut. Ted Kennedy is dead, but your scandal is very much alive and that’s why Fox 41 broke into their news and I’m elated they did. Enough is never enough and no one is tired of this and what’s a sad commentary is you… You renounced your moral authority when that cardinal in your pants took flight, so don’t lecture reporters on what they should cover. Don’t lecture reporters on what’s important. Reporters are not yours. You’re the reason you’re living pure hell right now and your right to dictate anything ended when you asked Karen Sypher on top a table or the bar?

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

Shame & Betrayal Louisville

In the Southern Belles Louisville season finale, an adulterous and smarmy imposter tarnished his relationship. Isn’t it interesting when life imitates art?
[Porcini Restaurant: Louisville]

Karen Sypher: Are you sure this is alright?

Rick Pitino: The restaurant’s closed and I have the keys.

Karen Sypher: Why does every one trust you?

Rick Pitino: Why shouldn’t they? I’ve won a national championship. I’ve written two books…

Karen Sypher: You cheat on your wife…

Rick Pitino: John Edwards cheated on his wife, impregnated the other one, and ran for president... I’m immune…

Karen Sypher: What if I’m pregnant?

Rick Pitino: Make sure it’s a boy… I need a small forward…

Karen Sypher: You honestly believe you’re untouchable? I’m just Judge Katie King to you…

Rick Pitino: Katie King was an unstable whore who police investigated…

Contributor: Platinum Smalls