My New Kentucky Home

Roger Sterling’s black faced rendition of My Old Kentucky Home was amusing. More amusing, his updated version, which the Kentucky Director of Tourism rejected…

The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer, the Cardinals are gay,
Rick Pitino’s drunk and the restaurant is closed,
Where should his slutty mistress lay.

They use a table, the bar, and Porcini’s floor,
No condoms, no condoms, in sight,
Five months later, Karen Sypher knocks at the door,
Abortion or extortion she might.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé, who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.
They hunt no more for the basketball savior,
John Calipari arrived today,
With his Italian charm and stifling pressure D,
He’ll Mirror Pitino back in the day.

Billy Gillispie was a shadow o’er the heart,
Drunken, he was a delight,
His contract never signed, thus he had to part,
As his jail cell slams, we say goodnight.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé, who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.
Judge Katie’s head must bow and Karen’s truth must bend,
Wherever their cases may go,
A few more days and Pitino’s trouble ends,
But Jeff Stoval still on loser’s row.

A few more days for the Cats and Cardinals,
For football, ‘twill never be light,
With basketball season still two months away,
I say my Old Kentucky home, goodnight.

Weep no more Judge Katie,
Oh! Weep no more today!
We will sing one song for Shea’s fiancé who you stole,
And hope you resign and move away.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls