Monday, October 12, 2009

King Speaks, Seventeen Spews Conceit and Zen

After Braylon Edwards allegedly assaulted Lebron James’ friend, the Cleveland Browns traded the wide receiver to the New York Jets. Edwards’ indiscretion and narcissism clearly irritated the chosen one, as evidenced by this partial transcript (which was overheard by someone exchanging their number seventeen jersey for a witness t-shirt)…
Lebron James: Heard about the trade.
Braylon Edwards: I’m tweetin’ a statement.
Lebron James: You said twitter was juvenile.
Braylon Edwards: I thought I was juvenile or childish.
Lebron James: Man, he was my friend.
Braylon Edwards: If the city of Cleveland would’ve seen us as equals , your friend’s slip is a non-issue.
Lebron James: When were we equals?
Braylon Edwards: We’re both special talents. You are the best on the court. I am the best on the field.
Lebron James: I know I’m the best. How are you the best?
Braylon Edwards: I’m a winner.
Lebron James: I’m a winner. I won a conference championship.
Braylon Edwards: I caught sixteen touchdowns and the Browns went 10-6 that season.
Lebron James: You guys win the division title?
Braylon Edwards: We went 10-6.
Lebron James: You guys even make the playoffs?
Braylon Edwards: If we made the playoffs, our games wouldn’t have been the lowest rated ever.
Lebron James: And your wins would have matched our wins right?
Braylon Edwards: I know my production exceeded yours that season.
Lebron James: You were the receiver’s champion?
Braylon Edwards: I was second in touchdowns.
Lebron James: That’s great. I was first in points last season.
Braylon Edwards: I was a pro bowl selection when we went 10-6.
Lebron James: I was an All-Star that year, the year before, and the two years since.
Braylon Edwards: Which season were you MVP?
Lebron James: Regular season MVP last year.
Braylon Edwards: Being receiver isn’t about pure statistics. It’s about zen and art.
Lebron James: Man, you are childish and jealous, but I’ll be humble and wish you luck.
Braylon Edwards: Hope the city as humble when you leave in free agency. When everyone want to hit your friend, I won’t look as childish.
Contributors: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge

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