[Dallas Cowboys Headquarters, Irving, Texas] [Owner Jerry Jones and Saudi Arabian Prince Bandar bin Sultan are seated inside Jones' office]
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Thank you for this meeting.
Jerry Jones: When one of our fans who might have nuclear weapons wants to talk, I clear my schedule.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Mahmoud wanted to attend the home opener, but he couldn’t obtain a visa.
Jerry Jones: Please tell him I said hello.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: I will. Jerry, I asked for this meeting to convey my concerns.
Jerry Jones: You’re also dissatisfied with Tony Romo?
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Emmit and Tony’s statements were translated for me and I agree. He has thrown three plus interceptions in four of his last six games. Do you know what we would have done with him?
Jerry Jones: Beheading?
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: That Simpson girl would receive that for fornication. He’d receive, let’s say, ninety lashes.
Jerry Jones: What are your other concerns?
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Marion, Felix, Tashard… You have backs as we have princes.
Jerry Jones: Saudi Arabia has had success with multiple princes.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: We have thirteen percent unemployment. If you call that success…
Jerry Jones: You’re from Nevada.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Jerry, whores, sin, six dollar drinks… I’ve never been to Nevada.
Jerry Jones: Celine Dion’s Las Vegas Show inspired our scoreboard.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: My wife and I saw Celine in Dubai.
Jerry Jones: You have another concern?
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Your defense. In the home opener, you resembled our Muslim brethren in the Six Days War.
Jerry Jones: We had five tackles for loss.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Jerry, the front seven was that George Bush address on spreading freedom. It made noise and didn’t achieve anything.
Jerry Jones: You would make some changes?
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: If our soccer team performed this poorly, they’d receive one hundred lashes each prior to their next match.
Jerry Jones: Lashing our athletes is forbidden.
Prince Bandar bin Sultan: Says Commissioner Goodell? Human Rights Watch says we must not abuse women. We must grant them equal rights and we have not. If you show your players anger, they will perform as you wish.
Jerry Jones: Has that strategy succeeded with Israel?
Contributor: Platinum Smalls
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