Thursday, October 1, 2009

Republican Pariah Prioritizes Friends, Tweeps Over Viewers

As Republican National Committee Chair of Victory, Carly Fiorina was a catastrophe. As NHL Senior President of Marketing, she remains a nightmare. [NHL Headquarters: New York, New York]

[Commissioner Gary Bettman and Senior Vice President of Marketing Carly Fiorina are seated inside Bettman's office]

Gary Bettman: Our season starts tonight and Direct TV won’t compromise. What if they won’t restore Versus? What’s our solution?

Carly Fiorina: Twitter.

Gary Bettman: Twitter is our solution?

Carly Fiorina: Six million visitors per month, it’s one of the fifty most popular websites, one of the fastest growing websites, it’s been described as remarkably simple. Celebrities, fans, players, reporters all use it. Gary Bettman: We had real growth last season, which in this economic climate is amazing and you propose exchanging eighteen million households of daily viewers for six million viewers per month?

Carly Fiorina: Facebook has three hundred million users worldwide. Users can create, join, and interact with fan pages, create groups, add friends, send them messages, join city, school, region, and workplace networks, update their status, send gifts and links, view news feeds and China, Iran, and Syria allow the website.

Gary Bettman: China, Iran, and Syria? Our fans are not in those countries.

Carly Fiorina: Our fans are not in Carolina and Nashville and we market those cities.
Gary Bettman: Any other solutions?

Carly Fiorina: Zimbio is an online magazine publisher, one of the fastest growing websites, they’ve launched Zimbio TV, and they cover current events, entertainment, and sports.

Gary Bettman: You’re marking ideas are interesting, but we should discuss our television situation. How can we grow if fans can’t watch?

Carly Fiorina: You’re ESPN contract concluded in 2004?

Gary Bettman: Correct.

Carly Fiorina: And you’re NBC contract started in 2005?

Gary Bettman: Correct.

Carly Fiorina: No one has watched one of your games in five years.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls

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