Chad Ocho Cinco’s Child Please Commentaries

Chad Johnson: I’m dominating Twitter. I’m dominating U Stream. And now, since America needs a voice of reason, the voice of Ocho Cinco, I’ve decided to impart my wisdom through Child Please commentaries. I know all y’all watching every week and no one misses Hard Knocks and I shouldn’t have to explain this to you, but for those who cant flip their channel past T.O. and his friends Drama and Mama, child please is a nice way of telling someone that they mindless if they think Champ Bailey can cover the Black Mexican… Champ cover me? Child Please.”
CP Commentary One: Senator Ted Kennedy died this week and Republicans screaming that his death will be used… Used? CHILD PLEASE. Death won’t inspire healthcare… Isn’t the whole point of healthcare to prevent death? President Obama gets healthcare when he writes a bill and gets Ocho Cinco to explain that when you get sick, someone’s there for you, just like Coach Lewis is there for me.
CP Commentary Two: Did ESPN forget Ocho Cinco kicked a point? Brett Favre, Brett Favre… I knew 24/7 was comin’ up, but I thought it was about boxing… All the talk, the talk, talk, talk, talk, talk is Brett split the locker room… Some with Sage Rosenfels, Some with Tarvaris Jackson… CHILD PLEASE… If Sage Rose or Tar Jacked could win a Super Bowl, could win a purple vs. white scrimmage, you think their coach, what’s his name, Bald Coachless, would have begged?
CP Commentary Three: Late today, the Broncos, that team who traded Jay Cutler, who hired a personal assistant as head coach, they suspended Brandon Marshall. I can’t say nothing… Brandon bitched… Brandon complained… Brandon whined… Ocho Cinco never does any of those things and he especially don’t smack around a chica like she a DB I’m gonna dust on Sunday… People like Brandon, get a big CHILD PLEASE!
CP Commentary Four: Florida International won’t play in a tournament unless they play Ohio State and not North Carolina. CHILD PLEASE. What they gonna do, sit home and listen to Coach Thomas instruct them on the finer points of Stephon Marbury… And seriously, how can Florida International dictate anything to anyone? They won thirteen games… Zeke sexually harassed more Knicks employees in one month… FU, FIU, FUI, whatever, need to play who they told…
Chad Johnson: Until next time, this is Eighty-five, aka Ocho Cinco, aka the Black Mexican saying in Chad You Must Trust… Peace!

Contributor: Platinum Smalls