Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mr. McMahon, CIA Clash Over Tactics

Vince McMahon’s punishment philosophy is perverse. When significant crises occur, negligible sanctions are imposed. Blatant insubordination merits marginal penance… A substance abuse epidemic merits a convenient suspension…

McMahon’s compassionate consequences have complicated his new appointment… Director of the CIA… [CIA Headquarters: Langley, Virginia]

[CIA Director Vince McMahon, Deputy Director Stephen Kappes, and Associate Deputy Director Scott White are seated inside McMahon’s office, each holding copies of a recent negative report]

Vince McMahon: This Inspector General’s report is unbelievable.

Scott White: And none of it’s kayfabe…

Vince McMahon: Would you be serious? Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was water boarded beyond what was recommended.

Scott White: Yes sir.

Vince McMahon: Who knew about this?

Stephen Kappes: The President, the Vice President, the Attorney General, our former director…

Vince McMahon: Did any of them even consider talking to him?

Scott White: Simple interrogation?

Vince McMahon: No, just talking. Ask him what he knows; offer him some extra privileges if he talks…
[Kappes and White stare at each other]

Vince McMahon: We threatened to kill his children?

Stephen Kappes: Those were our instructions.

Vince McMahon: Why we didn’t we offer him a visit with his children?

Scott White: Because Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero wont stop taking drugs if you ask them.

Vince McMahon: I resent that! Both of them had suffered years of abuse in another company. I was not responsible.

Stephen Kappes: What was responsible for Test’s overdose? Your daughter inflicting the abuse?

Vince McMahon: I had several conversations with Test, he swore he wasn’t using.

Scott White: I’m shocked.

Vince McMahon: What should I have done? A mock execution? Threatened them with a drill?

Stephen Kappes: Isn’t a drill how you got Owen Hart to scale those rafters?
Vince McMahon: No, he was presented with several options and he chose that one and that could be an effective strategy for what we’re dealing with.

Scott White: Americans don’t want prisoners in their max facilities, Vince. I doubt they’ll volunteer their sports arenas, so we can throw them off the rafters…

Vince McMahon: Who mentioned transport? We present Mohammed or one of them options; I’m sure we’ll get some information.

Stephen Kappes: And if not, two of the good guys and two of the bad guys can hug in the exercise yard.

Vince McMahon: Alright, one more thing… What’s this passage about threatening a prisoner’s family with sexual abuse?

Scott White: That fell under enhanced interrogation.

Vince McMahon: It was authorized?

Stephen Kappes: Correct.

Vince McMahon: Who thought it would work?

Scott White: We all did. Wasn’t threatening sex abuse how you talked Triple H into marrying your daughter?


Contributor: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge

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