Sports Trivialized

This afternoon, I was reading US Weekly and I could not comprehend their “news.” "She was laughing at all his jokes and they were sitting so close…”
As I read, I mused… What if they covered sports?

Josh Beckett: The World Series MVP recently downloaded several country music hits onto his I-pod… “It could be motivation or an attempt at matchmaking,” says a Beckett insider. “Country’s been helpful with both.”
Kobe Bryant: Spotted! The four time champion and former adulterer browsing necklaces inside Stein Diamonds. “He was asking carat weights and he said he didn’t care about price,” said a witness.

Chad Johnson: Despite an alleged metacarpal fracture, Ocho Cinco was seen twittering as he enjoyed Cranberry and Red Bull, inside the Havana Martini Night Club. “Child please,” said the flamboyant wide out. “Nothing stops my twitter.”
Peyton Manning: Wearing jean shorts, a striped polo, and a Colts hat, the signal caller snacked on Hydrox and lounged on the deck of his condo. “He’s never really liked Oreos,” a source told US.

Contributor: Platinum Smalls