Larry Dolan’s Objective: Burn It Down

Since Googling Atlee Hammaker’s inception, the Cleveland Indians have been mocked and ridiculed. Rick Morris and I knew our opinion was reviled. We never expected an extreme response.
[Progressive Field: Cleveland, Ohio]

[Owner Larry Dolan and Giordano Family Soldier Vince Domnotro are seated inside Dolan’s office]

Larry Dolan: No one saw you?

Vince Domnotro: Nope.

Larry Dolan: Concourse? Elevator? Parking Lot?

Vince Domnotro: No one saw me.

Larry Dolan: I almost canceled this meeting because of the home game.

Vince Domnotro: Why not?

Larry Dolan: I remembered churches mock our attendance.
Vince Domnotro: This is a nice office.

Larry Dolan: Thank you.

Vince Domnotro: You do your secretary on this desk?

Larry Dolan: No.

Vince Domnotro: What about that PR girl with the great ass?

Larry Dolan: Pay attention.

Vince Domnotro: What’s up?

Larry Dolan: Rick Morris.

Vince Domnotro: Who’s that?
Larry Dolan: He called me penny stingy and pound stupid. He ridiculed our employees. He insulted Mark Shapiro.

Vince Domnotro: Penny stingy and pound stupid…Doesn’t sound that far off…

Larry Dolan: Keep that sense of humor. You’ll need it when I tell Carmine and your ashes our fertilizing our spring training facility.

Vince Domnotro: So you want to get this Shapiro?

Larry Dolan: Morris. Rick Morris.

Vince Domnotro: Morris… You want him offed?
Larry Dolan: I would never condone murder… until Carmine lowers his asking price.

Vince Domnotro: What then?

Larry Dolan: Send him a message.

Vince Domnotro: Burn down his house?

Larry Dolan: That should shut him up.

Vince Domnotro: Consider it done.

Larry Dolan: If you get caught…

Vince Domnotro: Relax. By tomorrow morning, Shapiro is homeless.

Larry Dolan: Rick Morris.

Vince Domnotro: Consider it done.

[Seven hours later – Dolan is awakened by the phone – Shapiro is hysterical]
Larry Dolan: Hello?

Mark Shapiro: Larry, someone burned down my house.

Larry Dolan: What?

Mark Shapiro: Someone burned down my house. The neighbors saw someone running away screaming Suck That Rick Morris.

Larry Dolan: Damn it.

Mark Shapiro: What?

Larry Dolan: Platinum Smalls was right. You get what you pay for.
Contributors: Platinum Smalls & Rick Morris of the FDH Lounge