Tour... Snore... The Catfight Is On

It’s two days later… The yellow jersey hasn’t even been scoured for needle injections and the first and third place riders, teammates Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong have already engaged in the professional sports equivalent of a schoolyard slap fight.

For those who don’t speak biker, I’ve provided this translation…
Contador: “My relationship with Lance Armstrong is zero. He's a great rider and he did a great Tour. Another thing is on a personal level, where I have never admired him and never will.”

(My relationship with Lance equals the number of tours he won without injections. Lance is a great injector, but he wouldn’t share his techniques. I have never admired him and never will)

Armstrong: “Hey pistolero, there is no 'I' in 'team'. what did I say in March? Lots to learn. Restated. Seeing these comments from AC [Alberto Contador]. If I were him I'd drop this drivel and start thanking his team. w/o them, he doesn't win. A champion is also measured on how much he respect his teammates and opponents.”

(There is no I in team, but let’s talk about that celebration. Shooting imaginary pistols? Real men celebrate by injecting a fake syringe. If I were him, I’d thank me. If I hadn’t competed, everyone would have focused on his doping. Instead, they are focused on mine. A champion is measured on how much he respects his teammates and opponents diverting attention from his own cheating)

Contributor: Platinum Smalls